From the beginnig!

When I started this journey, I weighed 270 pounds.  I first lost 8 pounds, then gained them all back.  I am now happy to say that I am back down 10 pounds and weigh only 260 pounds!!  I feel like I have accomplished a lot.  The surprising thing is, I haven't worked out much.  All the weight that I have lost has been from strictly watching what I eat and making sure that I stay under my calories every day!  Wonder what would happen if I added more exercise! ;)

Lost in Transition

I feel as though I have been in a fog as of late.  Some would say that "I don't feel like myself", but that isn't the case for me.  For me it is more like I don't know who I am.  Most days, I go on and on with this thought that at any moment that I am going to wake up and be a completely different person, living a completely different life, but I never wake up. I love my son, and I wouldn't give him up for anything, but sometimes I wish that I would have left his father before I got pregnant.  I wonder "where would I be now?"  I wanted to go away for college.  I wanted to get a degree in music therapy.  I thought that being able to teach music would be a good transition point before I am able to get my degree in music therapy, but most days, I loath teaching.  I don't know what I am doing anymore!

Update

So it has been 9 months since I last posted anything, time to start new.  I have started to change my life around from starting my new career, to budgeting, to eating healthy and loosing weight and I feel as though my head is about to explode half the time.  I don't really feel as though there is anyone that I can talk to about what is going on up in my head, so I figured that I will begin posting my thoughts, challenges, and accomplishments so that they are out I can begin breathing easy again.  I hate having to sensor what I say because of the setting or the fear of being ridiculed.  I just want to put my thoughts out there and have a place were I can feel it is safe to express myself as much as I can.

With that said, I have began making changes in my life.  The first one being that I have been working as a high school music teacher since August.  It was the last place that I interviewed and they liked my ideas for my classroom and they wanted me.  It is a small district in a high poverty town, but my coworkers are amazing.  We all look out for one another and it is easy to get along with almost all of them.  My students are finally opening up to me and they really seem to enjoy my class, for the most part, though I still have quit a few trouble makers. 

I have also moved out of my moms house and am officially a rent paying citizen.  My son and I have our little home and the landlord is great.  I hardly ever see him because he does not come poking around and at the beginning of each month, I just tape the check to the door on my way to work and he picks it up when he can.  I am allowed to have my dog and cat and I do not have to pay a pet fee (only to get the rugs clean when I move out).  I am allowed to do what I want when it comes to decorating the house as long as I paint all the rooms back white before I leave.  The neighbors are very nice and the town is a small, but quite place to be.  I am still a nervous wreck about being on my own and having to be on a budget so that I can make sure that all the bills are payed and I have enough to last me the month for gas and groceries (but I am learning as fast as I can). 

I have also begun to eat better and have actually been loosing weight.  I have not been able to workout lately because of a personal issue that I have had to address, but come this coming Wednesday, I should be able to begin again.  I have, however, been watching what I eat and counting my calories.  I have been really good about staying under my calories on the weekdays, but it is the weekends that kick my butt.  Especially when my friend comes to stay with us.  I am however trying little by little to say no. 

Overall, I am adjusting.  I have a lot that I have changed, but there is still a lot that has to be adjusted so that I can move forward with my life.